Nothing More Than Feelings

24 Feb

This animal is expressing some feelings about my camera.

We are still talking about guns. The discussion on guns misses the point entirely, in my opinion.

I read about murders and assaults in the news nearly every day. Outside of war, most of them involve only one or two people. The police always check out family, friends, and business partners first. What does that tell you?

Why do people kill each other? Why do they assault each other?

There are a few reasons — including greed — but mostly it comes down to strong feelings that people don’t know how to handle.

I have been reading the stories for as long as I can remember…

A young woman was killed because she turned down a marriage proposal.

A girl’s hair was set on fire by a peer who was not invited to a party.

A man set his son on fire because of a divorce/custody dispute.

The stories are different but they are all the same.

People who cannot accept emotional pain. People who cannot live with having been wronged. People who judge others, who blame others, who want to punish others.

These are the people who commit violence on a daily basis.

Gun regulation is easier to accomplish than emotional regulation.

But…emotional regulation is the only solution.

Teach your children how to process their feelings. Teach them that they are stronger than they think. Show them examples of those who have overcome adversity, those who are happy in spite of all that has gone wrong with their lives, those who are loved when they thought they were unloveable.

Teach them the meaning of the word NO.

Teach them to work through their disappointment, shame, or humiliation.

Teach them that pain is temporary, just like joy.

Teach them that others are vulnerable, just as they are.

Teach them that anger can be productive or destructive.

Teach them that negative emotions are part of life and must be recognized and managed.

4 Responses to “Nothing More Than Feelings”

  1. sally jensen February 24, 2013 at 8:35 pm #

    Rayme, I often am quite moved by your blog posts. I just read the one about having more and having less.
    I am much comforted to know such good people. Thank you.
    I hope this note finds you well. Sally

  2. pegoleg March 12, 2013 at 5:19 pm #

    “Teach them that pain is temporary, just like joy.” That is powerfully true. It seems that most parents have abdicated responsibility for teaching their kids the tough stuff. That makes the job much easier, but society so much poorer for it.

    • Rayme Wells @ A Clean Surface March 14, 2013 at 7:28 pm #

      Thank you. I think society is not only poorer for it, but endangered by it. Coping skills are crucial. Life is difficult — at least mine has been! 🙂

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