I Object To Unnecessary Objects

23 Jun

Once upon a time, I lived with two roommates who procured a heart-shaped waffle maker.  The waffles were cute…but they rarely made appearances.  They were reclusive, or maybe just a little shy.  Upon the dissolution of the household, I was given custody of the waffle maker.  I noticed a fine coating of dust on it.  This should have been a clue.

I owned the waffle maker for more than ten years, and made waffles exactly twice.  In our recent move, the waffle maker was easily sacrificed.  So were the bread maker, the crock pot, the espresso maker, and various other items acquired by my husband or myself over the years.  We had actually used the bread maker and the crock pot occasionally, but not often enough to justify keeping them.

The kitchen seems to be a hot spot for accumulation of unnecessary items in any home.

In a previous post, I asked readers for nominations in the unnecessary household item category.  Interestingly, although I did not mention the kitchen, all of the suggestions I received were kitchen implements, including lemon reamers, food processors, and the Hot Diggity Dogger, a contraption that cooks hot dogs and buns at the same time which, shockingly, can be yours for the low, low price of $49.99 (or less, if you shop through eBay).

By the way, did you know there is a contraption designed to separate English muffins?  Silly me, I have been using my fingers all these years.

Thanks to a blog post by Accidentalstepmom, I recently became aware of some utensils called a pickle spear, a bacon fork, and a butter pick.  I have determined these items to be both expensive and silly.  I believe that any fork or knife is quite capable of spearing a pickle, and I am still not certain why butter should be “picked” rather than simply cut and spread with a knife of some kind.

According to the sterling flatware listings on eBay, you can purchase:

Warning! Not an actual olive spoon. Spooning performed by a professional spooner in a closed kitchen. Do not attempt at home!

  • an olive spoon for $41.95  (you can also purchase an olive fork!)
  • a nut/bon-bon spoon for $34.00  (I am shocked that one implement is allowed to be used for two separate foods)
  • a cold meat fork for $88.00…or $131.95  (the higher price means you can fork your cold meat in an extra special way)
  • a lettuce fork for $91.95  (how did I get along without one for all these years?)
  • a baked potato fork for $111.95  (why?)
  • a sardine server for $120.00  (are you sure your guests even like sardines?)
  • a 7.5″ bacon fork for $91.95…or $121.95!  (an extra 1/8” makes the difference in price)
  • a hot cake (aka pancake) server for $245.95  (spatula anyone?)
  • a salad serving fork for $265.95  (seriously??)

If you purchase the nine utensils listed above, you will spend (using the highest prices I have listed here) a grand total of $1,165.65.

I do respect serious collectors, especially those wishing to preserve history.  Even so, I wouldn’t want any of these items…even if someone else paid for them.

Where would I put them?  How much time would I spend digging out an olive spoon (or an olive fork) every time I opened an olive jar?  How much time would I spend polishing the silver?

No, thank you.

30 Responses to “I Object To Unnecessary Objects”

  1. accidentalstepmom June 23, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    The sardine server is a very. . . confident piece. We have ended up with several specialty cake pans which are completely unnecessary. They need to go. I’m going to have to do it when the kids aren’t looking though.

    • acleansurface June 23, 2011 at 1:14 pm #

      Your specialty cake pans reminded me of the specialty ice cube molds I have seen. Why go to the effort of creating specially shaped ice cubes, when the shape will melt away immediately?

  2. bigsheepcommunications June 23, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

    I had no idea how woefully unequipped my kitchen was! Thankfully, I spend very little time there anyway and I’m quite sure I can find other frivolous ways to spend $1,165.65.

    • acleansurface June 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

      I can think of some other ways to spend that money, too!

  3. pegoleg June 23, 2011 at 1:14 pm #

    No olive forks?? What are you advocating – the total breakdown of society??

    I guess all we really need in the kitchen is a sharp knife to kill dinner, and our fingers to tear it apart.

    • acleansurface June 23, 2011 at 1:16 pm #

      HA. Well, I think some dishes and basic flatware will be acceptable.

  4. charlywalker June 23, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

    i use a toothpick to spear my olives and catapult them into my martini glass….

  5. Aligaeta June 24, 2011 at 5:59 am #

    Like you other ladies I have no need for these frivolous utensils, but to part with a waffle maker or bread machine – never!

    • acleansurface June 24, 2011 at 9:19 pm #

      I guess it depends on how much bread and how many waffles you typically eat, and how much space you have. I like ordering strawberry Belgian waffles in restaurants, but I am less than motivated to make them at home, even with a mix. Thanks for the comment.

  6. Mindy June 24, 2011 at 7:23 am #

    I think everyone should own an olive spoon & a baked potato fork. LOL! People are nuts!

    • acleansurface June 24, 2011 at 9:16 pm #

      It is pretty funny, isn’t it? Thanks for the comment.

  7. doon po sa amin June 24, 2011 at 7:41 am #

    hello, clean surface!

    you’ve been cheated out of civilized living for heaven knows how long. 🙂 now that ebay is here, it’s not too late for you to get the hang of using lettuce fork and salad serving fork. why, if they’re being sold, that means there’s a demand. if they fetch those prices, some really important people think they’re necessities. so, why the quandary? get yourself the whole set, haha 🙂

    later on, you can blog about how those tools clutter your kitchen, make your life complicated and uh, a bit cumbersome?

    regards to you and your family! :)))

    • acleansurface June 24, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

      It would definitely give me something to write about. There should be a blog to explain what these things are and how to use them. I do think part of the price is the sterling silver, and some of the styles are “rare”, which probably means vintage. Still, more than $200 for a strange looking fork seems pretty excessive!

  8. Rosa June 24, 2011 at 3:43 pm #

    I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on the ‘Butter Pick!’ I’m going to have to look this up…
    And thanks for joining my give-away!!

    • acleansurface June 24, 2011 at 9:22 pm #

      A guitar pick is easier to understand than a butter pick, for certain…

  9. Miss Anthropist June 25, 2011 at 6:12 am #

    Saw the comment you left on my blog and had to come check it out–I TOTALLY agree…and an olive spoon? Oh my goodness. If people are so desperate to spend their money, they should just give it to wise people like us 😉

    • acleansurface June 25, 2011 at 11:26 am #

      Oh yes, Miss Anthropist, people should definitely give their money to us!

  10. Tom (Aquatom1968) June 25, 2011 at 10:38 am #

    I actually own a baked potato fork. It came in a box with three other forks, four knives and eight spoons (of two different sizes). The whole set cost £5.00. The baked potatoes don’t taste any different whether eaten with a spoon, fork, or knife! You’ve got me thinking about putting the set on eBay! Fun post! 😀

    • acleansurface June 25, 2011 at 11:24 am #

      You could make a profit, Tom! Thanks for visiting.

  11. Betty Londergan June 25, 2011 at 11:58 am #

    What a great post!! My all-time unnecessary kitchen gadget is the Rice Cooker — not because it’s not effective (but how hard is it to make rice? you just cover it and don’t peek for 30 minutes!) –but because it’s so blasted BIG. Takes up half the counter … and doesn’t fit in any cabinet. I’ll take sardine forks any day — hint, hint!!

    • acleansurface June 25, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

      Great suggestion, Betty! I never understood the rice cooker! Thanks for visiting.

  12. donnahuebsch June 30, 2011 at 5:47 am #

    Love this post! We just moved into a house after having our household items in storage for a year-and-a-half, and living in our fifth wheel (it’s a long story). I am shocked at how much STUFF we have…appalled might be a better word. I would dearly love to get rid of half the stuff we have. As I slowly go through these boxes, I make 3 piles – give away, throw away, and keep…hopefully “give away + throw away >= keep”. I don’t want to end up being one of the people Frank Lloyd Wright talked about as “janitors of their posessions”! http://wp.me/p1bDAM-bm

    Thanks for a great blog 🙂

    • acleansurface June 30, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

      Thank you for your sweet comment, Donna.
      I have not heard that quote from Frank Loyd Wright before; I’m so glad you shared it with me. Good luck with your sorting!

  13. shenanitim July 6, 2011 at 11:27 am #

    Funny, I’m always dreaming about buying a crock pot. My ex had one, and we were so excited about the possibilities! Go to work, and dinner will be done when we get home! Naturally, it was never used. I’ll think of this next time I pass one by in the store, and begin to hear its call…

    • acleansurface July 7, 2011 at 12:15 pm #

      Crock pots are cool, if you have good recipes, but they do require advance planning. No one is going to shop or prepare ingredients in the morning before work. The advance planning factor is why the crock pot isn’t often used by most people.

  14. georgettesullins July 12, 2011 at 6:19 am #

    In the words of Marie Kitchenette…”Let them pay rent.”
    Love your comment in a separate post referring to these things “…using unnecessary space in my home.”
    Sorry…I’m late weighing in…I only just found you. Great post!

  15. grinsi July 27, 2011 at 5:08 am #

    huch, i knew there were many useless kitchen utensils, but i didn’t know they cost that much!
    i have something useless myself. the spoons that go with my eggcups. you just can’t use them. there’s no space to put even a little piece of an egg on it, that’s how tiny it is. but at least i now have eggcups. and that’s something useful. and the spoons look funny. but that’s all they’re good for. i even posted a picture of them once in my blog.
    great list btw, like it 🙂

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