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Nothing More Than Feelings

24 Feb

This animal is expressing some feelings about my camera.

We are still talking about guns. The discussion on guns misses the point entirely, in my opinion.

I read about murders and assaults in the news nearly every day. Outside of war, most of them involve only one or two people. The police always check out family, friends, and business partners first. What does that tell you?

Why do people kill each other? Why do they assault each other?

There are a few reasons — including greed — but mostly it comes down to strong feelings that people don’t know how to handle.

I have been reading the stories for as long as I can remember…

A young woman was killed because she turned down a marriage proposal.

A girl’s hair was set on fire by a peer who was not invited to a party.

A man set his son on fire because of a divorce/custody dispute.

The stories are different but they are all the same.

People who cannot accept emotional pain. People who cannot live with having been wronged. People who judge others, who blame others, who want to punish others.

These are the people who commit violence on a daily basis.

Gun regulation is easier to accomplish than emotional regulation.

But…emotional regulation is the only solution.

Teach your children how to process their feelings. Teach them that they are stronger than they think. Show them examples of those who have overcome adversity, those who are happy in spite of all that has gone wrong with their lives, those who are loved when they thought they were unloveable.

Teach them the meaning of the word NO.

Teach them to work through their disappointment, shame, or humiliation.

Teach them that pain is temporary, just like joy.

Teach them that others are vulnerable, just as they are.

Teach them that anger can be productive or destructive.

Teach them that negative emotions are part of life and must be recognized and managed.

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Sometimes Those Good Things Do Not Happen, But Other Good Things Do

30 Mar

I had one of those days today.

You know…those days when something very simple is expected to happen, only it doesn’t happen, and the simple thing not-happening means that those grand things that would have made your life so much brighter are also NOT happening.

And still the sun shines, and the flowers bloom, and the children laugh, and a guy named Mike publishes a blog post called Welcome to Blue Sky, Rhode Island. Population: One Totally Plibbed-Out Sixth Grade Girl Who Goes by The Name of None-of-Your-Beeswax-if-That’s-Okay-With-You-Mister-Flibbertijeepers and it surprises the heck out of me with its creativity, widening my eyes and possibly my horizons. (When you read Mike’s post — because you must read it — be sure to notice the tags at the bottom.)

Life is beautiful, even if you are hiding in the closet and feeling plibbed-out.



22 Feb Stinson pix 6-10 027

Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.

~   Henri Frederic Amiel (1821-1881)

A charming person has a natural talent, a gift for elevating others from the inside out.

Do you have someone like that in your life?

New Adventures

29 Jan

Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.

— Douglas Adams (Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency)

wide open spaces

This year I am trying new things, taking more risks, and worrying less.

I am driving in snow storms.

I am taking photographs of sunsets through dirty car windows.

I am thinking a little bit less.

I am taking more action.

Life seems simpler.

Mental Magnets

9 Nov
“Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.”—Mary Lou Retton

Have you ever noticed that when you get a new car (even a used car) you start seeing that model of car everywhere — as if you had just acquired the top-selling vehicle in the nation?

Similarly, when you have just been dumped by your sweetheart and you are moping around all alone, thinking about the happy times before your beloved kicked you to the curb, you can be sure that blissful couples will appear at every turn, cuddling and sighing contentedly.

I believe the human mind seeks familiarity. We see whatever we are thinking about.

We may feel as though we are drawing these things toward ourselves like a magnet, when perhaps we are simply more attuned to what has been there all along.

Either way, it seems to be a good idea to focus on what you want in your life, rather than what is wrong or what is missing.

Don't be this guy.

In a Minute There Is Time

11 Aug

Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse 

~T.S. Eliot, from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock (1919)

*   *   *   *   *

Sometimes we forget how much we can accomplish in a short time. A minute doesn’t seem very long – and yet it is long enough.

Make a decision. Make a revision. Improve your life. Improve the life of another person. It will only take a minute.

In a minute you can invest in a small business, solve a problem, tighten a screw, compliment someone, water a plant, wipe the kitchen counter, or even create a new life!

In another minute, somewhere on Earth, a business will fail, someone will receive an insult, a screw will be loosened, a plant will dry up, a counter will become sticky, and someone will most definitely die. In fact, across the globe, these things will happen many times over, and some of them may even happen to you.

Do not be discouraged.

The Universe changes with every moment. So do we.

Make a decision. Change something. Make something better than it was. If you act, perhaps your act will be reversed in the next moment, or perhaps it will not. Either way, if you have acted, your decision to act, and the act itself, both existed in that moment.

You were changed in that moment. The Universe was changed in that moment.

Go ahead, disturb the Universe. I dare you. It will only take a minute.

*   *   *   *   *

Who Goes to a Cemetery on Their Honeymoon?

27 Jul

My husband and I spent several hours at a cemetery during our honeymoon.

The Recoleta Cemetery was one of the highlights of the honeymoon, as strange as that may sound. You will understand when you see some of the photos. We are not “Goth” people. My husband is a history buff, and I like art.

Though we were married in 2005, we spent our honeymoon in Buenos Aires, Argentina in 2006. We chose the destination for the principle reason of combining our honeymoon with a visit to a dear friend who was unable to attend our wedding due to her South American travel plans. I enjoyed the trip very much, and I’m sure a “tropical paradise” would not have been as interesting.

The Recoleta Cemetery in Buenos Aires is filled with impressively tall, elaborate, and expensive mausoleums and statues. Intrigued by the textures and uniqueness of each structure and figure, I took so many photographs I thought I would drain the battery on my camera. I have shared some of my favorites here, but they don’t truly capture the scale or beauty of the cemetery.

The Recoleta is like a miniature city, where the residents happen to be dead. There are buildings, blocks, and streets, but don’t bother knocking on the doors … no one will answer.

Some of the structures were crumbling, while others retained their original imposing form.

An Egyptian tomb seemed out-of-place.

I was very taken by the poses of the angels here.

A beautiful plant to look at, but notice the thorns!

Eva Peron (otherwise known as Evita) rests at the Recoleta. Her remains were smuggled into this very upper class cemetery by supporters because her lower class origins would have officially disallowed her entombment.

The cemetery is teeming with feral cats, which are fed by the caretakers. Having a cat skitter across the path while one is walking among tombs is rather startling, I can assure you.

The cemetery is a Must See if you ever find yourself in Buenos Aires.

We also spent quite a long while in The National Arms Museum, which was practically next door to our hotel. This fascinating museum features “18 rooms where exhibitions describe the historical and technical evolution of the weapons of the world [from] the 12th century to the present” according to the brochure. Although I have no photographs of the experience, I had a terrific time admiring the craftsmanship and intricate design of ancient and modern weapons and armor from all corners of the world.

Other activities we enjoyed in the area include an evening spent at Opera Pampa (history-based rodeo/musical theater in a large arena), a tour of the historical ship/museum Frigata Sarmiento in Puerto Madera and a visit to colorful Caminito in La Boca. Opera Pampa was amazing — videos of it are available on YouTube if you are curious. I have included a few images of the frigate and the charmingly artful Caminito below.

A living statue!

The one regret I have about our Buenos Aires adventure is missing the enormous mechanical flower sculpture. Apparently, the metal blossom is timed to open at sunrise and close at sunset! We drove by during the day but were unable to witness the movement due to time factors during our trip. If we ever return to the area, I will be sure to schedule time to see it bloom.

I highly recommend Buenos Aires for those looking to expand their horizons.

Be Careful What You Wish For

17 Jul

I have spent the weekend primarily in bed, recovering from a particular type of illness.  My time tested self-medication includes: rest, water, ice, Canada Dry ginger ale, and Saltine crackers — in that order.

My menu has recently expanded to allow mugs of hot, salty broth and bowls of Wheaties seeped in rice milk.  The chicken tandoori being consumed downstairs has been politely refused; yesterday, the smell of garlicky pork nearly caused a relapse.

Only hours before the gastric rebellion commenced, I had enjoyed (courtesy of a dear friend) a remarkable meal delicately prepared by a short, mustached man with the name Gustavo embroidered over his heart.  He came to our table to explain each delicious course.  I remember a kale pesto, a risotto with white truffle oil, and some other things only barely within my food vocabulary.  Apparently, I was not meant to absorb the nutritional benefits of this feast.

Gustavo is not to blame, I want to make that clear.

I felt nauseated on the drive up to the city.  I had thought perhaps my belt was too tight, and so the belt was left abandoned in the foot-well of the car.  My dear husband had asked me earlier, “Is that what you’re wearing?”, so I wasn’t worried about spoiling my glamorous look.  Without the belt, I still felt slightly ill, but I chalked it up to the mysterious ‘car sickness’ I have heard about from others.  ‘There is a first time for everything,’ I thought to myself, rather optimistically.

I wished for my queasiness to go away long enough for me to enjoy a rare evening out.  My wish came true.

Earlier in the day, I had looked inside the pantry and wished for the ginger ale and crackers I had bought weeks ago to be consumed, rather than wasted.  That wish also came true.

I can think of better wishes, now.

Organizing is Like Doing Algebra With Everything You Own

6 Jul

(x+3) – (x-2) = 5

Is this correct?

Yes.  You can verify this equation without knowing what the variable is.  In fact, the variable may have ANY value.  I think algebra is fun!  Organizing is fun, too.

What happens when you take a disorganized, overfull apartment and try to squeeze the contents into a smaller apartment?  This is not as much fun, but it can be done with some planning and some sacrifice (in other words, you will need to sacrifice some possessions).

I am currently working on a “Downsize and Organize” project for a client, and the T-shirts are one of the most troubling variables in the equation.

Organizing a space is very much like doing algebra.  The more things you own, the more complex the equation becomes.  I enjoy solving problems by rearranging numbers — or objects — until they fit, and in fact, the first paying job I had was as an Algebra Tutor.  Many students struggle with this subject.  I wonder if there is a correlation between struggling with algebra and struggling with clutter.

[(x+1)(x+6)] – [(x-1)(x-6)] = ?

Does this give you a headache?  The equation is much simpler than it looks.  (The answer is 14x in case you were wondering.)

Organizing is a little bit trickier.

For example, if a sock drawer becomes a T-shirt drawer, where will the socks go?

T-shirts = T, Drawer = D, Socks = S.

D+S = (D+S)

(D+S) – S + T = (D+T).

S cannot equal zero.  Write a new equation for S.

If you figure that one out, let me know.  I’m still working on it.

I think I need to add another D to the equation.

I Object To Unnecessary Objects

23 Jun

Once upon a time, I lived with two roommates who procured a heart-shaped waffle maker.  The waffles were cute…but they rarely made appearances.  They were reclusive, or maybe just a little shy.  Upon the dissolution of the household, I was given custody of the waffle maker.  I noticed a fine coating of dust on it.  This should have been a clue.

I owned the waffle maker for more than ten years, and made waffles exactly twice.  In our recent move, the waffle maker was easily sacrificed.  So were the bread maker, the crock pot, the espresso maker, and various other items acquired by my husband or myself over the years.  We had actually used the bread maker and the crock pot occasionally, but not often enough to justify keeping them.

The kitchen seems to be a hot spot for accumulation of unnecessary items in any home.

In a previous post, I asked readers for nominations in the unnecessary household item category.  Interestingly, although I did not mention the kitchen, all of the suggestions I received were kitchen implements, including lemon reamers, food processors, and the Hot Diggity Dogger, a contraption that cooks hot dogs and buns at the same time which, shockingly, can be yours for the low, low price of $49.99 (or less, if you shop through eBay).

By the way, did you know there is a contraption designed to separate English muffins?  Silly me, I have been using my fingers all these years.

Thanks to a blog post by Accidentalstepmom, I recently became aware of some utensils called a pickle spear, a bacon fork, and a butter pick.  I have determined these items to be both expensive and silly.  I believe that any fork or knife is quite capable of spearing a pickle, and I am still not certain why butter should be “picked” rather than simply cut and spread with a knife of some kind.

According to the sterling flatware listings on eBay, you can purchase:

Warning! Not an actual olive spoon. Spooning performed by a professional spooner in a closed kitchen. Do not attempt at home!

  • an olive spoon for $41.95  (you can also purchase an olive fork!)
  • a nut/bon-bon spoon for $34.00  (I am shocked that one implement is allowed to be used for two separate foods)
  • a cold meat fork for $88.00…or $131.95  (the higher price means you can fork your cold meat in an extra special way)
  • a lettuce fork for $91.95  (how did I get along without one for all these years?)
  • a baked potato fork for $111.95  (why?)
  • a sardine server for $120.00  (are you sure your guests even like sardines?)
  • a 7.5″ bacon fork for $91.95…or $121.95!  (an extra 1/8” makes the difference in price)
  • a hot cake (aka pancake) server for $245.95  (spatula anyone?)
  • a salad serving fork for $265.95  (seriously??)

If you purchase the nine utensils listed above, you will spend (using the highest prices I have listed here) a grand total of $1,165.65.

I do respect serious collectors, especially those wishing to preserve history.  Even so, I wouldn’t want any of these items…even if someone else paid for them.

Where would I put them?  How much time would I spend digging out an olive spoon (or an olive fork) every time I opened an olive jar?  How much time would I spend polishing the silver?

No, thank you.


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